what am i doing?

Recently I read another knitting blog that raised a lot of questions for me. What am I doing with my blog? What are my intentions with it? What am I showing and why am I showing it? How am I writing and why am I writing this way? What could I do differently? What does my blog say about me? When I started the blog, I intended to write "a knitting blog, although I guess I won't be able to keep out my opinions on movies, books, comics, music and other things out completely. A knitting blog that will hopefully not only cover the projects I'm working on, but also my thoughts on knitting, new patterns I've discovered, things that are going on in the knitting world and so on."

Ha! Considering the blog started to turn into THESIS BLOG in June 2010, it now seems a rather lofty goal. But up until then I had talked about my knitting, mostly, with a bit of music and anime thrown in for good change. And then I started with pictures of flowers. I worked so much in July 2010 that I had no time to knit and the computer broke and the thesis ... and I started illustrating my blog with pictures of Vienna and Scotland. Before going completely silent in September, I posted pictures from Switzerland, the Czech Republic and, once again, Vienna. Then I finally returned to blogging in February 2011, after I had finished the thesis and started posting pictures of the sky and the moon. And a few knitted items, too. Then, more pictures of flowers and of places I had been to - Hungary and Germany.

After reading the other knitblog, I'm now feeling uncomfortable with my pictures of flowers and earrings and the moon and the places I went to. I feel like I'm bragging. I feel like I'm being twee or posing as a hipster. I feel ... pretentious. The other knitblog had a lot of pictures of stuff - buttons, mugs, cloth, cutesy things. I thought of Bezzie and her views of another knitblog with beautiful (but extremely pretentious) pictures of knitting. I thought of all the other knitblogs I read - most of them feature either the knitter's life as it is or they feature lots of knitting. A very few - one or two - feature photography that I would call ... show-offy. A very few - one or maybe two - feature photographs of things other than knitting. I don't read the show-offy ones very often and I don't read the ones showing lots of cutesy stuff very often, either.

So why the heck did I post so many (pretentious, show-offy) pictures of flowers, the sky and the places I had been?  I mean, sheesh, for my travels, I actually have albums on facebook. Why here? I'm not even using the pictures to illustrate how certain colors of certain places INSPIRED me (caps because pretentious). My inspiration doesn't work that way. The rhododendrons in the last post made me think of underwear, not knitting. Maybe it's because I don't have a lot of confidence in my writing. The other blog was eloquent, if at times infuriating (because trite, wrong or pretentious, also some elements of the writing style got on my nerves very much). I feel like my posts aren't eloquent at all. I feel they're short and matter-of-fact and there's a lot of "-" and "...".

The knitblogs I like to read the most are eloquent and funny. And they make the daily life of their writers sound interesting. One of my favorite blogs doesn't even have pictures - or only very rarely. I don't trust my sense of humour to come across very well, it is weird, nerdy and obscure. My daily life isn't very interesting, either. I could rant away about the person playing saxophone in the other room (who is leaving in a few days, I'm glad to say) or about the lack of a shower curtain or the brothel or whatever it actually is (officially a swinger club/sauna ... yeah, right) in our house or the weird owner of the hotel in the house behind us who screams at people who put their trash in the trashcans because sometimes there are people who don't live in our house who deposit their trash in our trashcan, but while I love reading about such things on other blog, I, myself, don't feel like writing about them.

I could show you pictures of my room, of the flat I share with two other people, of the house and district I live in - but I'm shy about posting pictures of my own self and I wonder if my readers (I do have readers, the blog stats say so) actually would find it interesting to see where I live. I'm also afraid of looking pretentions in the way of "ooooo, look at me, I live in VIENNA in a house with JUGENDSTIL windows on the TOP FLOOR in one of the HIP DISTRICTS". But why did I post pictures of Vienna and other places I've visited, then? Nothing else to say or show, I guess. And the idea that a blog post without pictures is a bad blog post (I think I read that somewhere). Well, maybe I should take pictures of my chaotic room ...

Where is that line between pretentious and "oh look, I went here and saw this neat thing"? Where is the line between twee and "these are the buttons I'm going to use for this cardigan"? Showing you pictures of the two bowls that I got last week from a jumble sale - is that pretentious? After reading the other blog, I guess the answer is: yes. Showing you my grandmother's soup bowl that I use in place of a yarn bowl - that wouldn't be pretentious, I hope. It's not like it's a superduper expensive treasure or something. It's just a soup bowl.

But the other bowls aren't either. And they aren't even from the 19th century or anything. Googling has revealed that they must have been produced between 1939 and 1945 and inspection has revealed that I scratched the surface of one of the bowls during transport (bad porcelain, I must say). Showing you the earrings my mother gave me for my birthday - pretentious, I guess (really?). Is showing you the earrings that I recently bought from a place that sells cheap jewelry and repainted with nailpolish pretentious or a useful idea?

I do know that I feel jealous of bloggers who post pictures of the beautiful places they live in and the places they visit and the knick-knacks they own and the things they knit, always photographed against interesting backgrounds, in great clothes and neat shoes and headscarves and makeup. Actually, when I see the things they own, I want to own them, too. And I am jealous of their lives, too. Heck, I, too, would like somebody else to take pictures of me in my knitting in nice clothes and makeup in beautiful locations. I'd love to be married and have children, too. But I already have plenty of twee knick-knacks and buttons and live in a beautiful place and I have opportunities to go to beautiful places and knit beautiful things and I can take pictures of flowers and the moon and whatever else strikes my fancy. And marriage and children will come (hopefully). And why shouldn't I post these things on my blog? It's my blog, after all.

But I now feel just as pretentious as those bloggers. Displaying my privileged life and the stuff I own was not one of my intentions when I started this blog and now it's even less my intention. But it's so easy to hide behind beautiful pictures. It's easy to say "I went to Bonn and to the country and killed millions of dandelions" and not talk about the things that I should be doing (looking for a job, among other things). And damn, whining about the loss I feel after finishing my thesis is pretentious, too, which is why I haven't done it here.

I also find the pretentious blogs boring. There, I said it. Yes, buttons, yes, knitting, yes, whatever. I'm curious about your life, not your buttons. Well, I'm definitely a voyeur, heck, I see nothing wrong with what Jimmie Stewart did in Rear Window. But then, I am a historian, a professional voyeur of people's lives in the past. I'm immensely curious about the way people lived and continue to live (a convenient excuse), so I want to know how the knitbloggers live, too. Otherwise, show me your knitting and plenty of it.

But all this makes me wonder - what the heck should I write about on this blog then? Well, maybe I should write more about my knitting and take pictures of me in it, even if I'm not wearing makeup and the background is chaotic! I've also come to the conclusion that writing about knitting itself can be pretty pretentious, too, but still, I haven't done a post about "what knitting MEANS to me" yet. Maybe I should do that (don't worry, it won't be about CONNECTIONS or CONSUMERISM). Maybe I should just write what I want to write and show what I want to show and concentrate on my own life instead of looking at all the others and wondering why they seem to have it so much "other" than me. Of course other people lead different lives and write different blogs, duh.

Maybe it's time for a new job it totally is.

andy warhol knitwear

Last week I finally hit upon the setting which is probably most appropriate for taking pictures of knitwear. It's the "food" setting. The thing is, even though it has 12 megapixels and a billion gajillion settings and whatnot, my camera still can't pick up the nuances of colors. That lovely cowl up there (photographed in the most unimaginative manner) is a most beautiful shade of lavender mixed with blues and lilac and certainly 50% more beautiful than seen in this picture. Although this is the picture that portrays the color most accurately, the others were miserable failures.

This is a shot of my Tegami Bachi cowl made from the wonderfully soft and addictive Malabrigo Yarn Lace in "Violetas", food setting, reddest option, macro option. It's closest to the original shade, just like the shot of the whole cowl above (also food setting, reddest option). Seems my camera has the problem of turning everything too blue.

This is still food and macro setting, only a little less red. It's turning blue! Although there is really not too much blue in the yarn.

This is the default and apparently "neutral" setting. See how blue it is? How can this be? Is it the light? No direct sunlight at the time, no flash, everything should have yielded a "normal" shot.

Have a look at this! Food, macro and the first actually "blueish" setting. It's a whole new yarn, one apparently named "Antarctica" or something similar.

Finally, the bluest setting. It looks like an Andy Warhol print. I wonder what food actually looks like photographed with this setting. I guess I'll be testing that soon. But isn't it crazy? For comparison, the reddest setting right below.

No, it isn't photoshopped. It's just my camera! 

Some more examples. That's a view of the sunset taken from my window (forgive the reflection of the actual camera). Setting probably the generic "landscape", colors pretty accurate.

The same view, only with the "dusk" setting. Notice a pinkish tinge that wasn't actually there? That's actually the automatic "dusky" setting. Why?

A view of the night sky one day past the new moon. Notice a pinkish tinge? Yes, the "dusk setting".

And that's the "night" setting. More like the real thing, but apparently, it adds a bit of a greenish tinge. 

I wonder ... is it me? Is it my computer? Or is it the camera? I never had such problems with the old analog camera. Ok, I couldn't take pictures like this with the old analog camera. But even the old digital camera only had color problems with intense purples and pinks - seems like it's colors with an ultraviolet component that are the trouble. But I have lots of blue knitwear, the loveliest being my new Cartouche Fragment. Lots of variegation in that one, greens, blues, purples, grays - and my camera can't pick them up. I'm going to do a few more experiments. Maybe it really is the light in my room. And I guess further experiments as to the veracity of the "dusk", "sunset" and "night" settings are needed. But how annoying ...

And if you think I'm not still watching the news from Japan in horror ... every morning I don't want to get up because the news is worse every time. I hope when I wake up tomorrow, Japan is still there. A bit worse for wear, but without the nuclear catastrophe that seems to be on the horizon.

not as much fun as I wanted it to be

So, my exam is over. I am a bona fide historian with an MA degree (actually the direct translation would be Master of Philosophy). The exam itself wasn't very spectacular, which is why it's strange that the university is keeping the actual details of what happens in the exam a secret. Or so it seems. They finally have webpages where they tell you what forms to use and what formats your thesis should have and a hundred other things, but nothing about the actual exam. Anyway, it was even fun and afterwards I felt extremely happy.

Everything seemed to be going well. My room was clean and things were stored away better than when I first moved in. My guests arrived and helped me carry my 10 000 bags over to my mother's flat where I'll be staying until next Thursday or so while they're using my little shoebox as a base. We had sparkling wine and roasted vegetables and all kinds of delicious things and I went to sleep happy about my new status.

The next morning, I wondered whether my thesis had been entered into the university library catalogue yet. And it has! It's even findable in two of the important meta-catalogues. I took a screenshot as a souvenir.

Then I read the news that there had been a huge earthquake and tsunami in Japan and started following the news updates. I only watched one live report and had to turn it off after a couple of minutes. It was terrible and terrifying and I'm still watching the developments around the Fukushima nuclear plant and hope they'll be able to get the situation under control.

Why care about Japan? I'm an absolute nerd about anime (Japanese animated films and television series) and manga (Japanese comics) and I admire and appreciate many aspects of Japanese culture, even if I can't understand or empathize with all of them. And now that country that I am so interested in is in terrible trouble and I can't do very much except watch in horror.

So, not the best day. Then this morning I finally read the book that has been waiting for me for a month or so, about the last days of the Second World War in Berlin and the time immediately afterwards from the perspective of a twelve-year-old girl and that has also contributed to a rather depressive mood.

Then I fled. Outside, the sun was shining, the wind was warm and I had to buy catfood anyway. I went by my favorite silversmith's to see if she was already working and to see if maybe she had her baby son with her - three and a half months old now. I had dropped off a pair of knitted socks in February and wanted to see if she had received them. She had! And he was wearing them and she was really happy with them, since knitted socks were an item on one of the "must have" lists and she knew noone who could knit socks!

The yarn is Lang Jawoll Cotton Jacquard.

Anyway, that cheered me up immensively and a little detour through the Museumsquartier cheered me up even more. I've also found a new song to learn that has consoled me a little - a German folk song from the 16th century that Johannes Brahms did a litte work on. It's an incredibly gentle and romantic song from the perspective of a man waking his beloved in the morning and the melody is lovely as well.

So it's been ups and downs. Maybe the best time to finish my Herzblut shawl, which is eating yarn like a very hungry moth! But I'm getting closer and closer to the final row and can't wait to see it blocked and in all its glory. So much for now - the next post will be about my crazy camera settings featuring psychedelic pictures of knitted fabric.

two of many






This winter I knit a large amount of cowls, scarves, shawls and other neckthings. Yesterday and today I attempted to take some pictures, but mostly failed, since the sunlight and my camera didn't like me. I'll try again after my final exam, maybe I'll be more relaxed then. 


The above picture and the one on the right belong to a neckthing - a scarf that can be buttoned up to make a large cowl or one that can be wrapped around the neck twice or used as a turban, armsling or whatever strikes your fancy. This is my own pattern, but I was inspired by the many similar ones out there and by the Shippo scarf from the book Scarf Style. Due to the colors, I gave it the rather dramatic name Smouldering Storm. Yes, I have a thing for dramatically named things.

The yarn is Rowan Summer Tweed, 70% silk, 30% cotton, full of weird plant bits. I suspect Rowan of deliberately spinning in the plant bits to give it a "rustic" feel. I hate weird plant bits in my yarn. And then the buttons! Sewing on nine buttons ... I don't know what came over me.

This one is the Boneyard Shawl, dubbed Le temps des cerises, because drama. It's remarkably difficult to take pictures of yourself without a tripod, which is why in the far-off future, I will have a tripod of my own.

The yarn I used is Lana Grossa Biosoja, a sleek but soft mix of cotton, bamboo and soy. The yarn itself is a knitted tube, so when it snags, which it does frequently, it's impossible to put the snag back where it came from - annoying. Still, my favorite shawlette of this winter.

The leftovers have been turned into something I called "Little Ripple", which has refused to be photographed. Maybe I'll just have to bundle up all my knitwear, take a friend and have a photo session somewhere.

So far, so good. Studying for the final exam is still going on, only 4 more days and I'll be a bona fide historian with a title (kind of scary). I'll try to relax by looking at the moon ...

all my moon base are belong to me

That's how it is. When I finished my thesis, it was something of a race to turn it in on time for it to reach the professor,  because he had to have it on a certain day or else my final exam would have to take place in May, meaning tuition for another term.

However, everything worked out, the thesis arrived on time, I was able to fix the date for the final exam and now I'm preparing myself for that exam, because noone told me that I would actually be tested on two separate topics. I thought one separate topic, but no, two. Eh, nothing big, because I know one topic already, so ...

Wanna know what I did until it was clear that my final exam would be on March 10th? I watched West Wing and knitted. One of my friends owns the complete box set and she said that I would get it once I had finished my thesis. So I did. So I got it. And now I'm on the first disc of season four, I knit beautiful fingerless gloves for my brother's girlfriend (it's her birthday soon) and I'm still knitting on a beautiful confection of a shawl called Gweneira, meaning snow white in Welsh. I'm calling it Rose Red, because my yarn is pink and not at all as thick as the original yarn - brushed alpaca isn't very available here.

Once I'm a little more clear on what I'm supposed to be studying for the final exam (I know what to do for one topic, but the other needs a little more research), I can start taking pictures of knitted stuff. I already took pictures of two finished projects, but I haven't put them up yet because ... West Wing. Well, I think I gotta stop watching West Wing anyway, because studying should come first, cleaning my room second (expecting guests) and finally taking pictures of my knitting projects third.

the triumphant return of the knitting capricorn

Yes, that's right - the thesis is DONE! 241 pages, 1211 footnotes almost 2MB filesize. I overshot the target of the laser pointed at the moon and built a whole secret moonbase!

There's still a lot of formal stuff to do and of course the exam, but graduation is on the horizon. As is cleaning up my room ... the mountains of clothing, yarn and paper need to be sorted and stored away and there are plenty of other things on my to-do list.

I have been knitting. Sometimes furiously. Sometimes furtively. But I had no time or energy to take pictures, even though there has been a lot of sunlight during this winter. That shall be remedied as soon as possible, seeing how I have a new digital camera now.

Remember this one?

I finally had the chance to make a real one! Very appropriate for the year of the rabbit.

Anime original for comparison:

new laser new luck

Or, how I held the world to ransom over a million billion dollars and bought a new laptop. It is very sleek and shiny and fast and pretty. Have I written anything on it yet? Yes, a little. Tomorrow I shall write more. Actually, I have some handwritten pages which I really should type in, but I need to do a couple of tests first to see how I can use the laptop *and* the mouse in bed first, because the touchpad is annoying me very much. It does do some rather nice tricks such as bluetooth, so I connected it to my cellphone and got three years' worth of pictures off of it. Pictures such as this:

It's the Natural History Museum, some time in early spring, I think, and one of my favorite times of the day. My fun internship is sadly over, but it was a lot of fun and I've returned twice to use their scanner and their airconditioning. I might head over next week to write, but it depends on the weather. The second job is still ticking along somewhat, but finally winding down as well.

That's between the Natural History Museum and the Art History Museum, it's a statue of Empress Maria Theresia, mother of Marie Antoinette. She also birthed 15 or 16 other children. I just liked the sky and the contrast.

That's the back end of the Belvedere with a rather awesome cloud above it, taken two or so weeks ago. Anyway, there has been some knitting going on to relax my head, a summer scarf as a birthday present for my mother and some work on Herzblut, but now work on Herzblut is stalled, because the second ball of yarn is in the other apartment. I shouldn't put too much work into Herzblut right now, anyway, since the paper needs to be done done done.

That's Schwarzenbergplatz, which I used to go by with the D tram every morning, but this picture is actually three years old. Finally, I found what I want to write on the Moon. It is a quote from Dorothy L. Sayers' novel Gaudy Night and I think it should be quoted to every female scholar. Harriet Vane, the protagonist in this novel (usually the main protagonist is Lord Peter Wimsey) is anxious about meeting all her old university friends again, because a lot of things happened in the books before this one and calms herself by thinking about her achievements. "They can't take this away, at any rate. Whatever I may have done since, this remains. Scholar; Master of Arts; Domina; Senior Member of this University (statutum est quod Juniores Senioribus debitam et congruam reverentiam tum in privato tum in publico exhibeant); a place achieved, inalienable, worthy of reverence. " The Latin bit says: "It is decreed that Juniors will show to Seniors appropriate and fitting respect both in public and private." (not my translation).

It's long, but it will fit on the moon, I'm sure. Otherwise I'll just write the citation and people will have to look it up.

Bond has destroyed the laser

It is a sad fact that supervillains are never safe from heroes. Heroes (and heroines) come and blow up the stuff we lovingly build, expensive stuff, I might add, and things that might be useful or fun. Then they come, destroy it all and then the world wonders why we hold it to ransom for a million billion dollars.

My laptop's harddrive has given up the ghost in this wretched heat and decided to contract a case of surface and reader head damage. Thankfully I listened to the internets and did not attempt to save it with the help of my computer wiz friend, but delivered it to a data recovery service the next day and the day after that they had already been able to save all the data. All that remains is a very expensive lesson about backing up your data - if I had made a backup of the thesis and the most important other data (like my pictures from Scotland), I would have simply bought a new computer, but as the half-written thesis was on it and only some parts of it at my professor's, I had to save it all.

Why not simply write it again? Because I am working two jobs at the same time and trying to finish the thesis, too. I only have time to do dishes on the weekends. The red nailpolish on my toenails is growing out naturally, because I don't have time to remove it. My fingernails need to be cut. And even though the main job will be finished by the end of July - which I'm rather sad about, because it's basically paid fun - that's when the thesis should also be finished. So I just don't have time to write 20 pages again (my professor has about 30).

A few things have gone well, though. The university has accepted all the paperwork I could give to it before actually handing in my thesis, so now I am just waiting for the mills to spit it out again. My internship at the library is the best ever and today I shushed a patron - for the first time I had the right and the duty to do so :D I'm CRAZY with the power (as befits a villainness).

In the meantime, I haven't given up on Operation Sonnenstrahl. Currently I'm working on the beginning of it all, which is fun, because it doesn't need as many citations and I can just let the words flow freely and I'm writing on paper, because my mother's mac has the world's worst keyboard and I dislike macs. AKA, I still have the plans for the laser and I am making sure that it's being rebuilt, while I hold the world to ransom for a million billion dollars and chocolate pudding.

Operation Sonnenstrahl

Sounds ominous, doesn't it? A friend told me that a friend of hers had christened her thesis "Project Sunshine" instead of calling it "the damn thesis". But my thesis needs a much more nefarious name. After all, it is a laser that will be directed at the moon ...

Right now it is at 25.5% of its operational power, i.e., some of the structures needed have been built. At 50% I think we can start warming up the generators which power the laser. At 75%, the laser will be programmed and adjusted with the correct coordinates. At 100% the laser will write something pretentious in Latin, Greek or Japanese on the moon. Yes. *evil cackling*

So right now it's a little like this weather below, since I received so much praise from my professor that my insecurities have been dampened down quite a bit.

I guess I need to produce more pages (and sleep more, lack of sleep is really not helping). That's why I'm once again repairing to the country to cut myself off from the internet for a little while.

Meanwhile, as I may have already mentioned, Herzblut is my only allowed knitting project. Funnily enough, its original name Lehtivihreä means chlorophyll in Finnish, but mine is blood red.

I'm using the Schoppel Zauberball Laceweight in Cranberry for this. My favorite yarn store got in a shipping of lace Zauberbälle in winter and I snagged up two, thinking they'd be sold out in a rush. No such thing! Even though I posted about their availability on Ravelry. Maybe there is a secret source for laceweight yarn in Austria that I haven't discovered yet.

Speaking of my favorite yarn store and yarn - I already got to see some of the winter yarn and it's gorgeous! Another reason to finish the thesis - unlimited knitting time! And the time and qualifications to look for a paid dissertation post or a proper job, which lead to more yarn money. The colors were simply incredible. And there is no on the other hand here. I might have a large stash (by non-knitter standards), but there are some yarn opportunities that just won't come again.

We'll see at what operational evel the laser is when I get back from the country.