oh september

Summer is over here in Austria, fall is beginning. The sky is a different blue, the air has a different quality, the tree leaves are already changing and the delicious fall foods and drinks are making their appearance: grape juice that is just starting to ferment (sweet and alcoholic) and certain flavors of icecream you don't get in summer like toffee and peanut. Although I will be missing the grapefruit icecream only available in summer, I definitely welcome the arrival of cooler weather.

Why no posts? Aw, the old up up down down game. I'm still looking for a job, which depresses me. And I broke the hook that closes the battery door on my camera by being stupid (although, who makes such an important hook out of plastic?) and need some superglue to fix it or at least attempt to fix it. It's still occasionally too hot to knit and it's definitely too hot to work on anything big, which is why I've been knitting baby clothes.

Yes, it is deliberately cutesy. Twee, even. Just wait until I add the flowers.

I only have a picture of Striped Gelato, though, the other ones need to wait for the superglue. Once again I was inspired by the random combination of colors in the sales bin at my favorite yarn shop. The yarn is Gedifra Mayra, which is soft and washable.

As for the construction, Striped Gelato is a top-down dress that should also work as a top later on. The straps are buttoned at the back, with lots of button holes to adjust for growth. The sides will be taken in to form pleats, but can be let out later. It's just waiting for a few more crochet flowers, but for that I'd have to clean up my couch to find the yarn leftovers ... so it will take a while. I also haven't quite decided whether I want to give it away or not.

The legwarmer trend is also continuing. The first two pairs of legwarmers I made from rather scratchy sock yarn (not that I mind), so I made this pair out of a ball of Lana Grossa Pashmina that was leading a rather sad neglected life on my couch (which, as can be seen above, is a treasure trove of yarn, paper and allllll kinds of things). I don't care how unflattering they are on my ankles, I just love how cute they are, all light blue and flower-patterned. Of course they're called Forgetmenot.

But I wanted to use up all of that nice light blue yarn. I don't like wearing light blue shirts anymore, because they make me look like such a good girl, but I love this shade of light blue. So, inspired by a crafty site and the prevalence of bows in fashion lately, I came up with an idea.

That would be the Forgetmeknot. I want to try a broader version in different yarn, too, but this had to suffice because I was running out of yarn and had to knit it a couple of times to get it right. So far, it's too warm to wear it, but I quite like it.

So I guess I better get some superglue next week ... there are so many things I've made that I'd like to show you, after all.

the triumphant return of the knitting capricorn

Yes, that's right - the thesis is DONE! 241 pages, 1211 footnotes almost 2MB filesize. I overshot the target of the laser pointed at the moon and built a whole secret moonbase!

There's still a lot of formal stuff to do and of course the exam, but graduation is on the horizon. As is cleaning up my room ... the mountains of clothing, yarn and paper need to be sorted and stored away and there are plenty of other things on my to-do list.

I have been knitting. Sometimes furiously. Sometimes furtively. But I had no time or energy to take pictures, even though there has been a lot of sunlight during this winter. That shall be remedied as soon as possible, seeing how I have a new digital camera now.

Remember this one?

I finally had the chance to make a real one! Very appropriate for the year of the rabbit.

Anime original for comparison:

too quiet here

Yes. Suspiciously quiet. That's because work on the thesis has ground to a halt. All my anxieties have not been miraculously healed, after all. I shouldn't have expected them to be gone just like that. The idea of finishing my degree after about 10 years of studying has created all kinds of sad and anxious feelings. Going out into the world! Finding a job and a place where they'll pay me to write a dissertation! No more classes! No more student jobs! Something to look forward to - scary as hell at the same time.

I'm still scared, but I decided to accept it. It's okay to be scared, that feeling won't go away for a while, so I might as well finish writing. I finally went outside again today after staying in my cave for the last three days and it's been ok. Maybe I was just waiting for the rain - strangely, right now I prefer going outside in the rain.

I also had a dream, haven't been dreaming in a while what with my screwed-up sleep schedule and it told me that things will be ok. I dreamt that we were still clearing out the old flat (my father's flat where I lived for +20 years) and we got in a whole lot of furniture, beautiful furniture. I was going through my two rooms, thinking about where I would put it all, rearranging everything in my mind. Then the dream changed, I was walking with my mother, crossing a street in Vienna with cars and streetcars (weird, because I avoid jaywalking whenever I can) and there were people singing a stupid song on the streetcar. The streetcar had a handwritten label "EMO" - apparently, people got on the streetcar to sing emo songs? The dream changed again and my mother and I were in Edinburgh and people on the street were singing a sea shanty and we discussed how different those two cultures were and how much better it was to sing a sea shanty than some stupid song. That's when I woke up, remembered that I didn't have to clear out the flat anymore, that I had no space for furniture (no matter how beautiful it is), that I want to go to Scotland and I felt a lot better about everything. (To be fair, I also talked with one of my best friends about my anxiety and had a little "say goodbye to uni" ceremony.)

Instead of writing I have been knitting. Finally. It felt really good to get back to something that I'm actually good at, something tangible, something beautiful, a kind of work that lets me see its quality right from the start. Writing into the void with a bare minimum of feedback is hard for approval-seeking me, although writing a blog isn't all that different, except nobody grades it and you don't get a degree for bloggery.

Where is the evidence that I've been knitting, you ask? Oh well, on Ravelry. I have taken no pictures yet, because that would mean having to figure out how to get the card into the new laptop and I don't quite know how to do that. I *could* possibly get the camera usb cable from the box that is over at my mother's. But I don't feel like taking pictures right now. So you'll have to keep looking at my other pictures. It's all part of an evil plan. Now it's back to work on that thesis of mine.

headlong pitch into another world

I'm still writing. Currently I'm on another section that just needs a lot of compilation and I have to finish working with this one book, because I have to return it tomorrow, so I am slowly sucking it dry of information and then will go over all my written parts again to see if I have missed a place where I wanted to insert some information from that book. I'm also waiting for my mother to return for a day. I've cleaned and swept and vacuumed and done all the dishes.

Last week I fell into the folk pit on youtube. I love folk music and its many different qualities. I happened across a couple of especially hypnotic songs and my brain has already picked up the easier ones. I guess it needed a break from writing. But now I'm back on it, even though I am extremely unwilling. Gritting teeth and bearing it as we speak, though.

Pictures courtesy of a beautiful expedition with my Scottish History class back in the spring of 2007. Uppermost is the garden of Falkland Palace in Falkland, Fife, then there's a window in Linlithgow Palace and lastly a tree in the vicinity of Rosslyn Chapel. I'll just leave you with the song that is gently inspiring me today, it fits perfectly with the rain and the cold: Sadly, the video was taken off youtube, but if you ever should find a recording or video of Dick Gaughan singing the "51st (Highland) Division's Farewell to Sicily", give it a listen.

and it's turned into something entirely different now

Losing my computer seriously threw me off. I had been doing so well, writing at least something every day and then suddenly I couldn't write. Writing a paper by hand only works when you're writing out bits and parts, but not whole paragraphs with citations. I was still reading books on the way to and back from work and at work waiting for library patrons, but then came the lectorship crunch and I only got back into writing when I finally had my new computer in my hands. It's taken me two weeks to get back in the state of mind where I actually have analytical thoughts.

In the meantime, I am sleeping next to piles of paper and about 10 or 12 books that need to be petted and cited and cursed at. The page count is increasing ever so slowly and everything is all over the place. Instead of turning out perfect paragraphs, I'm writing bits and pieces of thoughts and wonder where I can insert them. One procrastination maneuver is of course filling in all the spots marked with red which need more citations and another is checking the citations in the books to see if the pages are correct.

Add to that the beautiful Vienna weather with its nightly thunderstorms and torrential rainfalls. My head hurts almost constantly, even though I really try to get a lot of water and sleep. One success, though: my diet doesn't completely consist of chocolate pudding and coca-cola yet. I'm limiting myself to two puddings and two cokes a day and I'm having plenty of vegetables and some meat to make sure my vitamins stay up-to-date.

On the whole, I feel somewhat strange. My work obligations are almost almost over (three day break while the graphic designer finishes up the catalogue) and I am spending my time in bed with my computer on my lap and the books around me. I haven't talked to some of my friends in ages and feel definitely recluseish.

Somehow my benign little Operation Sonnenstrahl has turned into D-Day (must get inspiration where it lies) and Band of Brothers helps with motivation: Gimme three da-ays and three ni-ights of hard fightin', and you will be relieved! I can't even say at what percentage the laser is, since I haven't done a page count and it would probably be very off with all the bits and pieces.

Monday is the last library visit - there are still citations that need checking! After all, I can't use third-hand citations, it's bad enough that I have plenty of second-hand citations in there already. That's the problem with doing a European topic, the literature is all over Europe and Vienna sadly doesn't have the greatest university library in history.

On the whole, though, I can already see various carrots dangling on the other side of the thesis - the master's degree for one and the prospect of spending my time as I wish without guilty feelings. Movies. Knitting. Books. It will be wonderful.

Gratuitous Scotland pictures all taken while on a weekend trip with the Edinburgh University Folk Society in Inveraray in October 2006.